I spent much of my life sabotaging myself.
Except I didn’t know I was doing it.
I’m not just talking about business, though that was definitely a huge part of it.
At 17, I started doing drugs.
In my twenties, I treated myself even more like shit. Though at the time, I would have said I was just being young because everyone I knew drank. I mean, we were in our 20s!
I partied nightly. Shot after shot of vodka, with a variety of drugs mixed in.
I would drink til 4am, come home at 5am, sleep for a couple hours and go to work by 8.
By the time I was 26, I met my husband and sobered up.
But I continued the pattern of sabotaging myself. Whenever we fought, I brought up divorce. I was convinced that he would want to leave me so I would beat him to the punch. If I mentioned it first, it wouldn’t hurt as much if he truly did want to divorce. Or at least that was what I told myself.
Fast forward to working online.
I spent years worrying if I would fail. If I was good enough. If I could do it.
Are you starting to see the pattern here?
While each situation was different, one thing remained the same.
I did not value myself.
And it affected everything from the way I lived my life, to my relationships and my business.
So I want to ask you, what pattern shows up in your life?
Maybe you didn’t self sabotage quite in the same ways I did, but if you’re still feeling stuck, more than likely you have a self sabotage pattern of your own.
Maybe you procrastinate and put things off.
Have a need to plan things out in detail and put off taking any action.
Don’t set boundaries or speak up.
Put yourself last.
Don’t let yourself enjoy things.
Don’t take care of your mind or body.
Worry yourself into oblivion until the worst case really becomes reality.
Self deprecation and criticism.
Self sabotage shows up in many ways.
But for most of us, there is an underlying reason that keeps us in this pattern.
And there’s a story behind the reason. Something that happened, we told ourselves, someone told us, we witnessed. Something happened, which caused us to hold on to the reason or belief, which governed the way we operated from there on out.
I know. Vague AF but that’s pretty much the cycle. And it’s different for all of us.
For me, my mom made me feel like the real me wasn’t good enough. Which in mind, I told myself I wasn’t valuable. Which led to years of treating myself like I wasn’t worth it.
Maybe you felt like you needed to be the good girl. Which led to years of people pleasing, so much that you let clients walk all over in your business.
Take some time to look back at your life and the patterns that emerge.
What are the stories behind the patterns?
Until we understand the patterns and the reason, you simply can’t expect to break them.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Click here to send me an email