It’s currently 4:15am. And this message is coming through. So from my heart to yours, I want to talk about using the pain from your past to fuel your purpose.
Because we all have shit that keeps us down …
As a teen, I wrote a lot of poetry.
It became this creative outlet, but it was more than that.
I wrote poems for my friends, to thank them for being them, but more so, because I knew they needed to hear it.
Looking back, I have no idea how I wrote it or where the ideas came from. They just came.
I wish I could say I still had those journals. As time went on, and I began to feel like it wasn’t safe to express myself, I ended up throwing them all away.
As I left high school and went college, I faced the real world and left my creative side behind me.
I had wanted to study art in college and my mom told me I couldn’t. That it wasn’t a good choice.
That told me that I wasn’t good enough. That my dreams and wishes weren’t good enough. That I couldn’t do what I wanted to do.
I squashed it all down. Followed the rules like the good girl.
I did end up getting my degree in English (I guess you can’t fully take the art out of an artist) but quickly found a job in accounting right after college. Yeah. Soul killing.
I spent my early adult life numbing myself. Listening to the whisper of all the fights I’d had with my mom, all the times she had told me I was stupid or I wasn’t good enough.
And it’s funny, looking back. My sisters and I have the same parents. But they have completely different experiences growing up. They have nothing but found memories of our mother, who did nearly 10 years ago.
Me, I didn’t even cry when she died. I didn’t cry at the funeral. I felt nothing.
I went on to spend years resenting my life and my pain.
“Why me? Why did I have to go through so much hurt?” Many nights I cried myself to sleep, my heart literally in pain.
Before I met my husband, I worried so much that no one would love me for me, just as I was. I was certain that if my own mom couldn’t love me for me, surely no one else would.
I went through years of not knowing who I was, because I was told that who I was wasn’t good enough.
This unworthiness affected my ability to speak up. To do things I wanted to do. To have confidence in myself when I started working for myself.
Looking back, I see it now.
All the experiences, all the pain. They were given to me. I didn’t understand it then. But my experiences are my mine alone. Just as your past and your pain is yours.
And all of us are meant to learn from it.
Because when I look back to high school, I was already guided to write and create and help others. I just didn’t know it.
And like many of you, real life and doubt hits hard during that time in life. Especially when we’re conditioned to think life and career needs to look a certain way.
We begin to question. We hide away our true desires, and many times, our true selves, in order to fit in and make the money.
What’s my point in all of this?
This blog post is supposed to be about your past and using it to fuel your purpose.
If you’re still reading, I know you’ve been through some shit.
You’ve been hurt, squashed, flattened. Your light that once burned has gone out.
I want to tell you that there is a divine reason for it all.
There are lessons in the pain. And for most of us, we’re meant to use it to help others.
Instead of ignoring it or trying to heal it away without really seeing it, what if we took our pasts and our pain and saw the good in it?
Understand what it was there to teach us. What it wants us to teach others.
Use it in our lives and our businesses.
When we can see the beauty and the lessons in the past, we start to see how everything has really made us stronger. We have come out of the past with more resilience, more knowledge and more light.
We just need to use it to fuel our lives and our purpose rather than let it hold us back.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Click here to send me an email