I’m sure it’s happened to you.

You’ve gotten upset at your kids, lost it a bit, and when it’s all said and done, felt a little crappy for getting so upset.

And while it’s normal for parents (humans actually) to get upset and react, we often think back and wish we hadn’t reacted so quickly or harshly. We wish we had had a bit more patience with our kids.

Luckily, having more patience is something you can actually change. And yes, there are tips like “walk away from your kids” and “count to 10 before you react.” Sure they may work, but they only for for the immediate time being. It’s not something that will help prepare you for the next time you start to lose your patience. It’s not a long-term solution.

So let’s look at a solution that really is a long-term one. I’m going to be honest. It’s not one you’re going to expect. Because it really isn’t something tangible.

It has to do with your mindset.

Now, don’t go jumping ship yet.

Let me explain.

When you say you want more patience, you’re saying you don’t want to react right away. You’re saying you want to be calmer. You want to not get so upset so quickly. And while the reaction is something that’s measurable, meaning you can measure how upset you are, how quickly you got mad, etc., the actual reaction is emotional.

It’s a knee-jerk emotional reaction that stems from your mindset.

So how do you really increase your patience for good? I’m talking about taking steps that will help you actually control your emotions and reactions.

Like I said, it’s all about your mindset!

Step 1:  Think of when you lose your patience the most

If you’re having a particularly good week (day?) with your kids, this may actually take some thinking.

But think about what makes you the most irritated, what sets you off? Are your kids being too loud? Are they arguing? Are they constantly asking you the same question again and again? Are they making a massive mess when they know they shouldn’t be?

I want you to actually think about it. Right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. (If you do your best thinking on paper, free writing and brainstorming is perfect for this)

Grab your free brainstorming worksheet here:

Step 2: Go deeper into those situations

Okay, welcome back.

Now we’re going to go a bit deeper. What does it make you mad?

For this step, I want you to look into your past. Most of the time, the things that set you are related to something else and has very little to do with what your kids are doing at the moment.

For example, if you get easily aggravated when your kids are being too loud, maybe you grew up being told that children should be quiet. If they’re not listening, maybe you feel frustrated because you’re not often heard or understood in general.

Take another moment to dive deeper into the reason behind your anger. Again, if writing works better for you, go ahead and free write.

You can start with the situation/instances that set you off and go from there.

For example, “When my kids are too loud, it makes me feel …..” or “it reminds me of …..” See what comes up.

Go ahead and do more thinking/journaling.

Grab your free brainstorming worksheet here:

And that’s it!

It may not seem like much, but if you actually do the exercise (like reeeally do it), you will start to uncover the root of why you lose your patience.

I want you to continue to add to these lists. More situations will come up that will trigger you. Take each situation and the feelings that come up, and journal a little about what is making you feel the way you’re feeling.

As a parent, it’s sometimes easy to lose your patience. If you’re looking to increase your patience for good, use these 2 steps to get deeper into the reason behind your impatience.